It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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