summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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