She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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