Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
