My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
