Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
