hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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