I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
