I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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