i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
