Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
