Can Purell be used as lube?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
