I got chris browned last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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