she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize