Got a toothbrush?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
