I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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