oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
