Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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