I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
