Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
