We won't sleep together?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
