I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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