My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
