i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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