How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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