I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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