Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
