some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
