if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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