i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
