I just saw a hot homeless man
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
