My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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