This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
