Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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