One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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