wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize