I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
