Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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