making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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