when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
