That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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