2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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