i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
