I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
