I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
