I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
