I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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