he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
