In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
