And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize