Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
