just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
