So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize