I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize