it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
