seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize