I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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