was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize