In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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