the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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