I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
