but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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