I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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