I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
