I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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